I’ve changed fonts. I’m reaffirming my commitment to blogging. Soon you’ll be seeing pictures, 6 second videos, double rainbows and flying pigs! Holla if you see me in Century Gothic. I’m a fan. Although, some people would take me for a Comic sans Script. I understand its essence, but the presentation is the tackiest of all fonts.

Century Gothic is probably a font that resembles my handwriting the closest. It also gives the impression of a neat and organised author, who comes across as serious tapi sebenarnya, inda. Like a shift dress, its versatility can take your look from day to night #banaitahtew lol. I like to think I’m every inch of a Century Gothic, but unfortunately, I’m only half neat, never organized and half the fun that I used to be, which really would make me HALF A CENTURY GOAT CHICK.

Since moving to Brussels, I’ve only started getting into a routine again. The last three months were a challenge, everyone talks about how wonderful it is to get posted but no one ever mentions the harshness of trying to adapt to a new environment, especially in the first few months – which I have now coined “posting blues”. I left Brunei on a high only to be dragged down by the European winter. I think I’ve touched on the challenges of transportation in my last post. Aside from weather, mobility, the language barrier, loneliness has a way of creeping in.

Fortunately with time, things have gotten a little better around here. I’ve started Bikram again and have been dragging myself to go every day after work. I’m in my fifth day and I’m already feeling alot better about myself. Between hot yoga and running, honestly I’d stick to running, but this tropical gal is not used to running against chilly winds.

Then I’ll drive home, make myself dinner, shower and fall asleep with whatever random Netflix movie playing in the background. Thank god for Netflix. I love Netflix. I love it. Love it love it. I think I’d die without it.

I’m looking forward to June just so that I’d have a new selection of things to watch. I’ve been staying home to watch TV so much that I’ve covered most of Netflix from A-to-Z including the Kids section. I finally saw the Prince of Egypt the other night. Following this, I’ve seen all the documentaries related to the book of exodus, bible, Egyptian Pharaohs the works of Aristotle and alexander the great (don’t worry, aku masih Islam, Alhamdulillah). Haha. But yeah that’s what happens when you put me in front of streaming media, once I start, I cannot stop. It’s like a sickness. It’s the same on YouTube, I know when I’ve reached the dark side when I can tell you the story of how Ayah Pin (the cult leader) was brought down by the Malaysian government. Hahahaha. I should really channel this obsessive compulsive behaviour to something that is more meaningful..macam…. macam…..*garu garu kepala*.. If I knew I won’t be spending so much time on YouTube and Netflix.

Oh. ya ah. Aside from that I’ve also been keeping myself busy in the kitchen. A craving for a Zinger was ultra-strong today. Belgium does not have KFC by the way, but they do have something similar called Hector and it’s just as delicious. Hector has been my psychiatrist since I arrived, prescribing me with daily painkillers of crusted fried chicken with a side of fries and drink. Comfort eating has never been this easy. Though it has been almost a week since I ditched him for a new therapist by the name of Bikram.

Anyway, going back on a diet isn’t as easy when you’ve spent three months of drowning your sorrows in fried chicken. So naturally today, I was craving for it. But I turned to my trusty air-fryer instead and made a healthier version of a fried chicken sandwich.

Didn’t really have an exact recipe for it. but I sourced inspiration from here.

One thing I love about living in Europe is the abundance of good butter and the wide variety of fresh bread. For this recipe, I used golden brioche buns, chicken was rested on a bed of spinach and cherry tomatoes topped with a dollop of peppered Kewpie. One thing I’ll do differently next time is to brush the battered chicken lightly with olive oil instead of coconut oil before popping it into the fryer.

I also took the liberty of brining the chicken breasts first. I’m always careful when frying chicken breasts in the air fryer as the end-product could come out dry, tasteless and FOWL.

Hahahaahahah this is why I’m COMIC SANS SCRIPT. Urghh.

Anyway, goodnight.

I’m not sure what it’s going to be yet. But it’s going to be something. My thoughts have been bugging me to write frequently. But I’m not sure how appropriate that would be given my circumstances. Unlike a teenager or a university student, I don’t exactly have the same freedom to write whatever I want without being given shit for it. But I’m sure there’s a way out of it. I’m sure it would be ok if I was to just stick to non-work related stuff. Inda kan atu jua inda dapat kan? Is there anyone out there who would criticize me for writing about how the other day I was honked for taking up too much lane space kah or how the other day the butchers sent me home with free sprigs of coriander sama mint? Maybe I think too much. Maybe I care too much about what people say to the point that it stops me from doing the things I love to do. I’ve been documenting my life ever since I was introduced to the concept of journal keeping. I think it was in 1995. I was in primary 5 then. Mom bought me a diary with a nice lock on it…on a second thought perhaps.. I should keep this thing locked? haha. I think too much.

So ok.. how have I been settling in? I’ve started cooking again and gaining weight (again). I think I’ve gained a total of 10kgs since I arrived Bruxelles. Apart from forcing myself to go to Bikram Yoga I’ve also been trying to avoid sugar at all costs (and miserably failing) mcm rasanya kan ku putung ni tangan ah. Just this morning I had a Portuguese egg tart and 2 pcs of ‘biskut london’ …i only had two pieces pasal the rest i had all to myself a week ago. antah bagas raya tahun lapas kali ampai2 di opis. nyaman jua. di makan jua. ampai ampai tia pebaik lapas raya tahun 1991…ku makan jua tu.

Sunyi disini ani. I don’t have that many friends. I know I should be out making new friends but it’s not as easy as you would think. I’ve never had problems making friends before but it has proved to be a challenge when you live half an hour outside the city centre and you need a car to get you everywhere. Unlike New York, Melbourne, Singapore…all other great cities of the world, a car is a necessity here. Pebaik tah kan membali barus gigi ataupun barus dawai arah kadai runcit sebalah. beguna jua masih kereta. Yep. Macam di Brunei, but on un-subsidized fuel hehe.

I’m still getting used to driving on the WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD and in MY lane. Don’t get me started on how small the lanes are in this country. It’s so small… you wonder how they are allowed to DRIVE CARS in the first place. and then you have the hook turns. hook freaking turns. I’m familiar with the concept. it was a ‘thing’ in Melbourne too. It’s where you drive slowly to the middle of the road (remembering to stay in your innie minnie teeny weeny lane) and turn in to the simpang of your dreams when there’s no more oncoming traffic. Between focusing to stay in my own lane and anticipating the right time to turn.. honestly, I’d rather be donating blood. Same level of anxiety. Tapi at least di hospital, aku inda kana HON.

Such a paloi practice. but I guess if it saves up the government’s money by sticking to the 3-coloured traffic light saja… I GUESS IT’S OK. I GUESS LAH. GUESS. I’m not sure, but I’m just GUESSING………………………*takan hon kuat kuat* …mahal bah indicator arrow kekanan atu.. arrow kekanan sudah $1…arrow kekiri sudah $1 bagi lampong lagi $0.50 #banaitahtew tau tau yang menghon ani bebayar jua.

I’ve had my car for almost a month now. I can drive to Carrefour and Bikram. Carrefour is this world’s version of Huaho. It’s not pronounced as CARREY FOUR (like how ive been pronouncing it in the last 5 years of my life)..but KAR-FU. French tah jua banar. I’m just sick of being corrected all the time. like the English language, the same arrogance is applied to French.

Take the word BOBOI for example. No, it isn’t BO-BOY. It’s BO BWAAAAAA.. *magic fingers* . And just when you think you’ve got the hang of reading French. Guess what. No, madame. You don’t. The other day in the car, I saw a sign that read ROCHE BOBOI.. thanks to Ferrero Rocher, I thought I had in the bag. My mistake was to have read it out loud. Hehe.. ROSHEY..BOBOY.. driver turned to me and went..’its Bo BOA huh!’. And then there’s the french and their HUHs …they sound like they’re asking questions all the time. Mcm “huh?”, ” Huh?” ” Kau nda tau? Aku lagi inda tau”.

But yeah this whole french pronunciation dilemma, it can be a tad patronizing. Haha. So sometimes, just to fuck them up balik, I like to respond in my most poshest English accent. Even if ITS MEANS I’M TALKS LIKE THIS, JUST MAKES SURE YOU ACCENT IS ENGLISH TO THE POWER OF 10000 HORSE POWER.

Easy.

I hope to write again soon.

Constantly wiping off croissant crumbs from the corners of my mouth, dari baju, dari mija , dari screen telipun, dari screen laptop… a sure sign that 1. IM DEFINITELY NOT HUNGRY 2. im being over-fed with croissants. mcm grass-fed chicken rasaku.. tapi aku croissant-fed human, kalau ku kan kana sembalih awal ani lamak kali, mcm mentiga.

Croissant crumbs for me these days are the equivalent to cat fur.oh, whaddaya know! have a new pet croissant.

ive moved in to my VERY SMALL house (with 5 bedrooms and a futsal-sized backyard). thank god babu and twana rose are here to help me pack and unpack. of course, it would be even better if the rest of the Harun pack were here.i have all the space in the world to fit 2 families in my home. It’s ok. i still consider myself the luckiest gal in this whole wide world for 1. being fed croissants on an almost-daily basis 2. having the best mommy and sister in this whole wide world 3. lawa lagu “Baek” ani.

ive bought two sets of tv. satu untuk living room. satu untuk bedroom. at least inda sunyi. isuk isuk tetalan tv. juling ku meliat tv the whole weekend ah. im toying with the idea of getting a cat. but im trying to jaga hati Pepinot. Tapi ku dangar, Pepinot is growing fond of Maimunah (the housemaid).

maybe i should get a Maimunah, just to piss him off. ada ada saja nama amah kami dirumah atu.. ariatu si Maggi, sekali si Nini..lapas atu si Maimunah. kami tukar tukar amah mcm tukar baju dalam. bukan pasal kami mau. pasal pandai hapak.

in anycase, its not even April yet and im already broke. I made it rain in Ikea and Media Markt over the weekend and now i have to raise money for a car. I’ve accepted the fact that i’m going to be staying in the ulu-ulu of Brussels. i just need to seal this acceptance with a second-hand car.

i will try to make the best out of these 3 years. i don’t want to go home feeling that ive wasted my time on something that i i had initially wanted so badly.

always fucking count your blessings syaz. even if your fingers are numb from the unforgiving cold weather.

“COME WHAT MAY” GAME ON STRONG.

Mesti pandai beshukur. tahu beshukur. ingat beshukur. beshukur lah. kalau nama mu si Shukur, shukur alhamdulillah.

kiss me.

In a new land. This time for a 3 year stint.

So it’s just me and my thoughts again- and a bottle of what i had mistaken for ‘strawberry milk’. That’s one of the things i hate about being in a foreign land – the language barrier. It’s even more difficult when this foreign land has two official languages. Dutch and French. Trips to supermarkets can’t be anymore confusing! Aisles and Aisles and Aisles are stocked up with products labelled both in Dutch and French. Good thing i have been acquainted to smoked Salmon..bringing home the BACON is just something that doesn’t apply to me haha. And so, the struggle to tell the difference between strawberry milk and strawberry YOGHURT DRINK begins. It may take a while. But i’ll get there.

I’ve enrolled in Bikram Yoga cause i’ve made up my mental strength that i am not able to run in the dead of winter. I had my first class today and fortunately it was carried-out in English with a heavy European accent. It was hard not to giggle when the instructor kept on telling the class to POO (pull) POO (pull) POO and POO (pull). So there i was POO-ing the afternoon away in a 40 degree heated room, like it was nobody’s BUSINESS. hahahahaha see what i did there?

It’s the weekend. The city’s pretty quiet in comparison to NY which i had the opportunity to spend 3 months last year for work. I guess any city dims in comparison to NYC. hahaaha there’s no place quite like it. I just realised that i didn’t document any of my time there on the blog.I guess work had kept me busy.

It’s funny how i get to spend a full season of winter, the first half in new york and the second in Brussels with a short break in the tropical island of Borneo in between. Haha. I think my tan gave me away here.. one look, and these people know that i’m fresh off the boat.

Being alone again also means that i have upped my social media game..i am now not only Facebook, Twitter and Instagram but i’ve also signed up to Path, Soundcloud, SNAP CHAT, Oovoo, skype, google+ , vine….and the list is endless. I am also happy to find out that NETFLIX have just gone online in Belgium – i am over the moon.

Anyway, i should shower. I hope to write again soon.

a bientot.

kiss me.

so puasa came..and went. raya’s practically over now that i have started work again. but its ok. i think i made the most out of ramadhan and raya this year. i caught up with my running and i think i’m the fittest that i’ve been since the start of last year. i just realised how much i love being outside. i enjoy watching sunsets at a pace of 8km/h. Sunsets in Brunei are not to be missed. even when its hot and it feels like a hairdryer outside, one should never take the blue bruneian skies for granted.

ive to come to realise this raya that it’s the little things that matter. i’m at my happiest when i’m at home. it’s a good thing that i live in a full house ..although it can get pretty quiet… but most times there’s just so many things going on that i dont know where or how to start documenting it..

haha like the other night as i was going to bed, i could hear my dad replaying what could be a video of him belting out to Ismail Marzuki’s Rindu Lukisan over and over and over and over and over and over to the point that i fell asleep.. half annoyed at my dad’s narcissistic side.. half of me also felt secure knowing that my dad is still up to protect the house and family from any harm.

And then there’s the happy giggles and cries of baby Safa – my one year old niece, whose presence has only made the house an even more better place to live in.

In the afternoons or sometimes even in the middle of the night there’s always at least ONE family member including myself or BAPA calling for Bane (the house cat, we have TWO) to come home. Pepinot (the other cat) every now and then would also kick up a fuss if Bane’s away from the house for too long..at this point Pep would start meowing AT ME to call on Bane to come home..and i would immediately obey.

Every Sundays from 2-4pm there would be continuos ringing of the door bell for Brownie o’clock thats when we have people coming over to collect their chocolate fix. I also love it when my siblings come together to sing on the piano or the guitar and the laughter that would follow from the jokes and make fun that we throw at each other. It’s also a wonderful thing that we live near the mosque and i find comfort in the calls of prayer through out the day.

one of the most valuable lessons that i’ve discovered in the last couple of months..is that one must truly know how to laugh at themselves BEFORE ANYTHING ELSE. it doesn’t only make you realise that you are not any better than anyone else..but at some point..i believe that it does help with things like….self confidence..some say, you only grow up when you have your first real laugh – at yourself! haha so yeah happy belated birthday to me 🙂

this is going to be the LAST YEAR of my twenties *gasp* Note to self: find a husband.

work is back on full gear. i can only hope that i don’t fall off this happy bandwagon that i’m currently riding. i must for the life of me..learn to multi-task efficiently. i must find that elusive work-life balance that people are constantly promoting.

so before i start ranting about work.. i should stop at this happy place and i would like to wish my readers.. whoever you are, i hope it’s not too late for me to wish you a Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri, Maaf Zahir dan Batin, i doa for you all the peace and happiness in this whole wide world and akhirat.

kiss me.

its 3am. and i have to wake up at 7am tomorrow. technically, its today.

There’s an in-house meeting that starts at 8:30 am that we are coordinating. The first two days of puasa has been somewhat easy, given the fact that it was a long weekend. the REAL puasa starts tomorrow..i mean TODAY

I have no idea how i’m going to survive today. it would be the first time in NEVER that i turn up to the office without an ounce of caffeine in my body. it doesn’t help that we have a centralized air conditioning system at work..which means that i will TRY not to freeze to death.

this is how i would usually get when im at the office during the fasting month:-
1. my fingers would start turning a pale shade of blue.
2. followed by the shaking of the body.
3. and then i become sleepy.
4. so sleepy.

repeat 30 hari.

(skali baik jua inda jadi Ais di opis atu. haha. kalau bagi perisa stoberi.. jadi AISkrim Stoberi…)

——

but yeah that’s on a good day. on a bad day.. i just want to kill someone. true story.

puasa is usually the time when i realize that i should have slowly weaned myself off coffee…but as usual, i never learn.

but then again, what is puasa without all of its challenges kan?

*skajap aku bedoa dulu..*

i seek your strength and guidance to last me through this holy month …and i want the same to be extended to all my family and friends.

*amin*.

its 3.

great. only 4 hours till i have to wake up.

sighhhhhh.

Hi dolls.

im bored bordering on depressed. siok ni begaru sampai tutup tutup mata. haha. pakai garpu. haha how gross.

i really have nothing to say. apart from the fact that i am having instagram withdrawals. my mobile line’s not working here. and the wifi access we have at the hotel doesn’t support instagram. ive been here close to a week and aside from getting facebook notifications on my mobile (which i can’t access – such a tease kan?) ..i have been deduced to only whatsapp as a way of connecting with the outside world.

i cannot imagine having to live with the internet here. i cannot imagine life with restricted internet access. imagine getting a blocked message everytime you enter a search for something as insignificant as “Strawberry cream filled profiteroles”…how contentious can a strawberry profiterole be..mcm its like living in the y2k2 ages. haha i mean y2k. (hahaha y2k2..haha ingat YMRM? lol) only with fast internet but limited access to information.

you wouldn’t think something like this would have a huge impact on your life until you experience it first hand. i am all for freedom of the internet.

lol apparently losing instagram was enough to turn me into an activist.

3 more days.

i cannot wait to catch up with jimmy fallon on youtube.

Planning a trip to see the Hassans in June. The heart really wants to go back to Melbourne, but i cannot afford the calories at the moment. So i decided on a 3-day trip to see some of my best friends in this whole wide world in KL city #havoc. It’s about time too.

Aside from ‘bumping’ in to them on my work trips every now and then (the company they work for sends them overseas frequently), i dont think ive spent any quality time with them after leaving melbourne for good …6 years ago. eh. actually. actually nya. actually so..haha (actually so tia lagi)…actually THIS (haha) i have la. what am i talking about. i did paid them a visit a few times when they were still in melbourne..lol. just not recently. haha.

ive just texted Nawa and asked her to take me to Fatty Crab. Not that i have ever been, but i know it’s the most frequented restaurant by bruneians for chicken wings and crabs…on INSTAGRAM. im a sucker for instagram updates of food. exsp the ones that roll in at around midnight. thats how i know the americans are up. lol. out of the 800 people i’m following, 400 of them are random foodies.

if only my life was ALL about food..and travelling ah? oh and family and friends. my soul would really like that.

bangun pagi jalan jalan belayar belayar makan makan..blogging blogging. skali kana bayar. skali kana bayar, org minta advert, kana bayar. org minta taruh gambar arah instagram bayar.. org suruh dtg event…bayar. org minta bayar..kana bayarkan.. atu baratah #FUNEMPLOYED #FUNEMPALOI #MEMALOI

oh loves it. maybe i shud go on a sabbatical and get it out of my system ah. haha

siok jua tu mcm hari hari hari hari angan angan… angan angan time bfast..angan angan time lunch..angan angan time dinner skali tidur…bangun..skali angan angan lagi time driving..hahaha skali kana hon..skali drive lagi sikit..skali ada traffic light merah..angan angan lagi.

wah syazwana, you are VERY LAH AMBITIOUS.

#siok

oh what a life that would be.

i think i finally know what i want to be when i grow up.. i want to be a prettier version of ranoadidas and own a chain of brownieterie/croissanterie/coffee shops in Serusop but i will settle for just ONE hehe. but first i have to learn how to make croissants. lol. and roll my french ‘Rs’ properly. so that i can teach the whole of brunei how to pronounce croissant properly.

oh. just a (french)(Rrrr)omantic idea that i have. but hey. anything’s possible.

anyway.

yeah. i think i should take that holiday. i only hesitated because of the plane ride. the thought of having to go on a plane FOR a holiday shits me. im sick of travelling for hours in ‘le kelas de kambing.’ sakit badan bah. sama its dirty. just the thought of having to take a plane home irks me now.

oh what to do. baik lagi dpt mampu masih holiday belayar. inda ja inda ja. #besyukur #alhamdulillah #semogatuhanmemurahkanrezeki #amin

bah aku booking ticket dulu. eps. ticket booking. cuti lagi balum approve. hahahahahah i didn’t really hesitated because of the plane ride..i hesitated pasal cuti balum approve. mengisi borang pun balum. hahaha

mana tia borang ani.

kiss me.

i initially wanted to share with the world what happened to me last weekend. but i decided not to. hence the one liner in the last post. shit happens. you just learn to deal with it.

it’s almost the end of march. work is piling up by the day. but i’m telling myself to take everyday in stride. whining is for losers. one should not whine too much if they want to succeed in this world. so ive decided that from now onwards, im going to do a little less whining and a little more of happiness. although, a few bursts of rants every now and then could be considered as healthy.

this is the new me. no more whining. just doing.

i have also decided to omit all unnecessary noise from my life. i realised i have enough drama to last me a life time.

i will also try to talk to god more often.

im turning 30 in less than two years.

some things have got to change.

and i will start from me.

never.take.anything.for.granted.

terima kasih.

kiss me.