An old reader recently reminded me of a post I had written years ago about my experience in a singing competition in Melbourne.. this was a lifetime ago. I was struck by how detailed i was in my writing … as if I wanted the entire world to know my every move.  If platforms like ig had existed then i think ill be in all sorts of trouble kana reddit kali haha. maybe.

these days i am more cautious. i guess it’s a case of you living and learning. dulu semuuaaaaaaaa kalau bulih ku jadikan kawan ku. but not everyone has good intentions, some people appear “kind”, “alim” yang anu jinis tunggang langgak sembahyang ..haha but their actions in the longterm tell a different story. banarnya, those who seem the most trustworthy are the ones to be most wary of. nya urang.. a wolf in sheep’s clothing. a snake in the grass.

I’ll be entering my 40s this year and i’ve never felt more content with my super small circle of friends. I like to think that im sincere. direct but at my core, sincere. i approach friendships with honesty but not everyone reciprocates. ive learnt that some friendships are simply not built to last..such as

• friends you met when you were younger – attached to the hip.. berabis. shared the same interests same humour, same fashion sense.. music taste ..but as time passes you find yourselves drifting apart. nda tia ngam lagi. inda lagi “sekufu” nya urang. which is sad but i guess that’s how the cookie crumbles.

• then, there are friends made through trauma bonding. the ones formed in moments of shared grievances, often over someone else. these ive learned are the most fragile and toxic. these friendships thrive on negativity on gossip and group chats filles with screenshots of someone else’s shortcomings. ive been guilty of it myself. i remember the amount of times i’d screenshot a post skali drop it dalam the group chat untuk mengucapkan secara bejamaah ..knowing very well that if the situation was flipped, i’d hate to be on the receiving end!

• and then ada yang what i like to call performative friends.. yang eksen dpn urang “ani kwn baik ku ni!!!!!” “i miss you sooo muchhhhh!!!!” they just loveeeeee making grand gestures in public tp sebenarnya they dont actually care. it’s all optics supaya ia nampak mcm orang yang terbaik dan banyak kawan di dunia ani rather than being an actual good friend.

• of course, the competitor friend. yang sebenarnya dalam diam, dangki kan kau. the one that downplays your achievements. kiasu hantap. ani paling heart breaking ni org cani ani.

• but ultimately, they can also a “pick and mix” of all the above.

these days i only want to be around people who nourish my soul. kalau dulu u cari kawan yang cool.. yang dangan curi2 besigup.. begauk.. cari kwn yang siuk dangan gosip.. sibuk bckp sal urang.. awal ani aku mencari kawan yang banar2 baik and jujur. no hidden agendas. yang skupu (sekufu).

amin.

i know im not perfect. ive made mistakes. there were times i wasnt the best friend that i could be. but i guess growth is about realising that. and i want to be better.

sekian terima kasih.

sekissme kassis.

PS: i really wanted this to be a funny post. tp mcm inda menjadi hahahaha.

PPS: hello back to the person who dropped a hi on the last post. tq for reading. i hope u have a good week.