i thought i had something “philosophical” to write about today. by philosophical i mean end of the week rants. it has been a gruesome week at work with last minute meetings popping up like youtube ads. i have one tomorrow at 10am. yes on a freaking Sunday. it’s a virtual meeting, but it’s still work and it’s eating into my leisure-time. believe it or not I have been denied time off work because these meetings are “virtual” so they apparently don’t account for “real work”. if that’s the case then here is my “report” *hands in a blank sheet of paper* . here is my “brief” *hands in a file of blank papers*. sila meninggal please.

this pandemic has forced us to change the way we work. tani nya yang change tapi operational guidelines nya masih sama. so for how long will we be spending our “weekends” working without being compensated? getting financially compensated is nice, but for now i think i’d settle for the bare minimum: being granted time off. how i wish people could be a little bit more compassionate and be more intuitive to the needs of people around them?. why can’t we normalize “quality time” without coming off as being lazy or entitled? not to mention, mental health should be prioritized too. there’s no point jua expecting people to deliver excellence when they are burnt out. I’m at my best when im well rested.

thing is, if they can’t make you feel valued at work… lol at least let them have proper rest? amah ku tidur kul 8malam jua. nda kami ngacau kecuali kami lupa bawa kunci rumah…he he he. mun kan mau nasi lapas kul 8.. jantah harap. masak tah sendiri please.

oh well atu tah saja grievances ku hari ani. other than that i am okay-ish with work these days. it’s a little bit more peaceful than what it used to be.. i’m not as anxious about it. maybe it’s the forced travelling ban that has made it somewhat bearable. i hated the travelling part. dont get me wrong, it was fun for maybe the first 3 years… and then the novelty just dipped after that. ive been lucky enough to visit countries that i dont think i’d go on my own… but what’s the point when the catch is always work?

i think im burnt out. im so close to quitting. not because i hate my job. i’m just tired. demotivated. exhausted. ngalih ku ngalih. and it’s also that urge of wanting to try out something new? i love the theatrics and gossip that comes with international relations…. tp mau jua ku meliat sinetron lain kan? i’m going to have to dig deep and find the courage to do what i want despite the fear-mongering voices around me.

i’m 35. it’s time to do what I want to do.