Just done with meetings for the year. This is how i feel during the meetings:
stress
hungry all the time
tired
stress
hungry.
stress no excercise.
tired
sleepy.
hungry. hungry.hungry.

How i feel post meetings:
tired.
fat.
tired.
unfit.

the struggle is real. you’d think things would be slightly different now that things have been taken up virtually. inda. sama saja. but i guess the good thing is that it only goes on for a shorter period of time. if they were physical meeting i’d be going without excercise and proper sleep for weeks.

so now. im trying to get back on my feet. a colleague ordered everyone chips earlier today. so that kinda threw me off a little bit. macam how can you say no to perfectly fried hot chips? i’m meant to keep my carb intake under 70g today. tapi mcm nada harapan. i had gone over. way over. but its ok gais, i didnt just stuff my head into a bag of chips without a plan. i HAD planned on running it off. but i’m hearing rolls of thunder as i type this. ok fudge. no running. again. for the second time this week. ok. this will mean that i will have to face the music of digesting potato mush without the help of esesais. to the colleague who offered me chips..i hope you…burn……….have a good life.

i gained 2kilos from working late nights for a week. i need to lose it and improve my fitness before the 21km brunei halfies im running on the 6th. currently im sitting on 2hrs 25minutes. i’d love to see myself complete a half marathon at under 2hours. looks like a far cry. but possible…IF I START SAYING NO TO CHIPS.

ok adios. kiss me.

prior to today i didnt even realise putin melania memes were a thing. i am not at all surprised but i can’t believe ive just missed out on a whole category of memes. i love memes. i love memes, gifs and people who know when and where to use them. lol.

ok i just wanted to write for a bit to take my mind off work.

guess i am stalin.

i thought i had something “philosophical” to write about today. by philosophical i mean end of the week rants. it has been a gruesome week at work with last minute meetings popping up like youtube ads. i have one tomorrow at 10am. yes on a freaking Sunday. it’s a virtual meeting, but it’s still work and it’s eating into my leisure-time. believe it or not I have been denied time off work because these meetings are “virtual” so they apparently don’t account for “real work”. if that’s the case then here is my “report” *hands in a blank sheet of paper* . here is my “brief” *hands in a file of blank papers*. sila meninggal please.

this pandemic has forced us to change the way we work. tani nya yang change tapi operational guidelines nya masih sama. so for how long will we be spending our “weekends” working without being compensated? getting financially compensated is nice, but for now i think i’d settle for the bare minimum: being granted time off. how i wish people could be a little bit more compassionate and be more intuitive to the needs of people around them?. why can’t we normalize “quality time” without coming off as being lazy or entitled? not to mention, mental health should be prioritized too. there’s no point jua expecting people to deliver excellence when they are burnt out. I’m at my best when im well rested.

thing is, if they can’t make you feel valued at work… lol at least let them have proper rest? amah ku tidur kul 8malam jua. nda kami ngacau kecuali kami lupa bawa kunci rumah…he he he. mun kan mau nasi lapas kul 8.. jantah harap. masak tah sendiri please.

oh well atu tah saja grievances ku hari ani. other than that i am okay-ish with work these days. it’s a little bit more peaceful than what it used to be.. i’m not as anxious about it. maybe it’s the forced travelling ban that has made it somewhat bearable. i hated the travelling part. dont get me wrong, it was fun for maybe the first 3 years… and then the novelty just dipped after that. ive been lucky enough to visit countries that i dont think i’d go on my own… but what’s the point when the catch is always work?

i think im burnt out. im so close to quitting. not because i hate my job. i’m just tired. demotivated. exhausted. ngalih ku ngalih. and it’s also that urge of wanting to try out something new? i love the theatrics and gossip that comes with international relations…. tp mau jua ku meliat sinetron lain kan? i’m going to have to dig deep and find the courage to do what i want despite the fear-mongering voices around me.

i’m 35. it’s time to do what I want to do.